Confused

There are times where I feel happy then there are times where I feel sad were I just want to cry, I know I should let God handle it but I can’t im scared they will leave and I end up hurt again, Idk what to do all I want to do is cry and eat a tub of ice cream along with a bottle of alcohol in hopes to drown out my pain and fear of getting hurt again, I try listening to calming sounds and it seems to not be helping right now, Idk if I should listen to my heart or my head im so confused it upsets me, it’s hard to let go and let God do the rest but it’s the fear of getting hurt again and again and Idk how much my heart can take it anymore, that’s why I put up walls around my heart but fear thats not enough, its hard to trust anyone anymore afraid to get close and end up getting burned and hurt, what should I do so confused confused Ahhhhhh.

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